HarryPotter&theQuestfortheForbiddenCheeseWheel
by LFMPMD
Summary: The new DADA teacher tells the Hogwarts students myths and urban legends, but she has a hidden agenda.
1. Prologue

Hey guys, LFMPMD here! As you can tell this is a Harry Potter story. The usual HP gangs there along with my character Lily so yeah should be interesting. Not too sure about what it's about yet, but hopefully there'll be a plot . . .  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own most of the things that will be mentioned in this story, but primarily, I do not own Harry Potter.  
  
*AN- The Rogue Prince gave me the title for this story and I'll probably get a few ideas from Rogue, too, so prepare for fun, messed-up Harry Potter goodness! *  
  
Harry Potter and the Quest for the Forbidden Cheese Wheel  
  
Prologue  
  
It was a dark, stormy night at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and students and teachers alike were all preparing for a very special feast. It was mid October and Halloween was right around the corner. The feast was going to be involving two other schools and there would be a band called the Weird Sisters playing songs for them that night at the feast. But, the feast isn't for a few weeks and the students could hardly wait another day. Harry Potter, in his sixth year, was walking out of the Library and was going to head up to the Gryffindor Common Room, when Lily Thatcher saw him and exclaimed to Harry, "hey, you need to come down to the Great Hall, right now! Professor Craft is going to tell some legends and myths, and from what I've heard they're going to be quite good. Come on, Ron and Hermione are already down there waiting for us!" She grabbed Harry by the hand and they headed down to the Great Hall.  
They had reached the closed doors to the Great Hall when Draco Malfoy and the Gruesome Twosome, Crabbe and Goyle stepped in their way. "Move, Malfoy," Harry said with a deep hatred for Malfoy in his eye. Lily looked down to Harry and Draco's hands: they both were reaching for their wands. "I said move, or else!"  
"Or else what? You'll tell your mommy? Oh, wait you don't have a mommy. She died," Malfoy smirked.  
"She didn't die, she was murdered! She was murdered by the most evil person on earth, Voldemort, and your father still works for him!"  
"You can't prove that, Potter. No matter what you do, someone is always going to want to kill you," he turned to Crabbe and Goyle and said so Harry and Lily couldn't hear, "frankly, I hope that Voldemort and my father find a way to kill him, and I hope they kill Granger and those damn Weasleys, too," he turned back around to Harry and said, "your days are numbered, Potter, better live you life to the fullest," and with that he turned and stormed off towards the dungeons.  
"That bastard! Harry you can't let him say things like that, you have to do something about it! At least punch him a couple of time!"  
"No Lily. If I hit Malfoy, I'll get in trouble and I can't risk that . . . anyway, we should head on in now, I think it's about to start."  
  
* So there's the prologue to the wonderful story so far, I hope that you enjoyed it (hopefully enough to review *hint, hint*) and stay tuned for future chapters of: (cue announcer) PIGS IN SPACE! Just kidding . . . * 


	2. Myths

'Lo! Now to get into the story after that very short prologue, here's chapter one of Harry Potter and the Quest for the Forbidden Cheese Wheel....  
Chapter 1: Myths  
  
"Once a not too long time ago," Professor Sheridan Craft began to tell the Hogwarts students that were gathered in the Great Hall. The floating candles and the ceiling that is enchanted to look like the sky outside, was overcast and stormy-looking dimly lighted the hall. The students all sat on large, red, velvet pillows, and were waiting anxiously to hear about the myths and legends Professor Craft had to tell. "In a place across the Atlantic Ocean, two young women about fifteen years of age, by the names of Eva and Andrea, decided to attend a medieval fair in their small town of Miles-ford. When the two young women, in their medieval garb, arrived at the fair, they met many people. One of these people was a man of about twenty years that they learned to call, Sketchy At Best. The young women never actually learned this man's name, but he kept talking to them anyway.  
  
"So fair maiden, Andrea, are you enjoying the fair?" The man dressed as a black knight said. "Oh yes, it is a lot of fun," replied the tall, blonde Andrea. "How would you like to have even more fun?" He motioned to the woods. "No thank you!" She turned and ran back to her friend Eva, the short, dirty- blonde haired girl, and told her the whole story. "Wow, he's really sketchy at best! Hey! We should call him that!" "Okay!" "And that children is the story of Sketchy At Best. Now to get on to the next story . . ." She started to go on to the next story, but the children started to talk quite loudly after she finished 'The Tale of Sketchy At Best.' She looked at them sternly trying to get them to quiet down; her efforts were fruitless. She sighed, and said "now children, calm down!" No one heeded her call. "Children, please listen to me!" She stood up straight and pulled out her wand. "If you won't listen to me," she began, "maybe this will get you unruly students to pay attention."  
  
AN- maybe I should stop here just to piss everyone off . . . Oh yeah and this is a true story, The Rogue Prince is Andrea, and I'm Eva, this are the names we use icky Spanish class...  
  
Now where was I . . .  
  
"Icafaclesirmisle!" AN- look out for The Rogue Prince's Harry Potter and MJ's Revenge and you'll find out about what this word really is Professor Craft yelled this spell, and the entirety of the Great Hall was filled with an extremely bright light. Many students started to panic in their blind confusion, but before a massive mob could play 'Let's Attack Each Other Even Though We Can't See Anything,' Professor Craft bellowed, "SIT DOWN NOW!" Then the room finally when silent, and when the bright light had faded, everyone noticed that miraculously Neville Longbottom was hanging from an unlit torch on the wall.  
"How on earth did this happen? Come on now children, tell me. Do it! Do it! (AN- sorry guys 'do it' is a somewhat inside joke from me and my friends in 'Miles-ford') Children tell me now! Who put Mr. Longbottom on the torch?" After no one raised their hands, Craft finally said, "Fine then, if you don't want to tell me, I won't tell you my favorite story, which is the best by far."  
"Oh, Professor?"  
"Yes, Longbottom?"  
"Umm, no one put me up here."  
"Then how did you get up there?"  
"I sort of tried to cast a spell, but it didn't work the way I wanted it to."  
"And what spell were you trying to use?"  
"Spongify."  
"You need Spongify tiles to use that spell properly, otherwise you end up bouncing all over if you don't."  
"I'm sorry, Professor."  
"It's alright. Now let's get you down from there." She lifted him from the torch, and when he got down, Neville quickly had to leave the Great Hall because everyone was laughing hysterically at his mistake. "Oh poor child . . .Now back to the stories, there was a man from Nantucket . . ." She continued on with this short saying, and some of the children seemed to enjoy it, others had looks of horror on their faces. "Oh dear, I'm sorry children. I didn't think that would offend anyone. But now we should probably try a myth rather than sayings like the last one. Hmm, which one though? There's the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, 'This One Time At Band Camp,' why Keith Richards is still alive," she listed many more, and finally got to, "how about The Myth of the Forbidden Cheese Wheel? Oh, yes. I believe that that is a good one. Has anyone heard this tale before?" No one raised his or her hand, "oh good! Then it will be new and exciting for all of you! Now once upon a time, there was a good king and queen, and they had three children, there names are not important, but there were three of them. Nasty little buggers . . . Anyway, the king and queen hired a nanny to watch over their children. This nanny was an Animagus; does everyone now what that is? Good. Well, the nanny could change herself into a cow, and one day a farm boy mistook the nanny for one of the royal cows and milked her, and made cheese from her milk. Before the farm boy could sell the cheese of the nanny though, the king heard of what happened; because the nanny told him that anyone who had milk or cheese from her would forever be all-powerful and have the most money ever, the king himself went to the farm boy, and told him what the nanny had told him. The boy was amazed, and when the king asked for the cheese wheel, the boy refused. The two quarreled, over the cheese, and in the end the king beheaded the boy with a haddock from the nearby river. How this happened, now one is sure, but it happened nonetheless. So, because the king had the cheese he became all- powerful, and very rich. Many tried to get the cheese wheel from the king, but all failed. One night the king was warned that someone was going to try to kill him, so he hid the cheese wheel in a place that no one to this day has found were the illusive forbidden cheese wheel is hidden. So we're going on a field trip to find it!"  
"Really!" A few people yelled.  
"No!" she said with a cheerleader-like enthusiasm in her voice.  
"Oh," the children moaned. 


	3. The Quest Begins

Back again for the next installment? Okay, suit yourself because I've decided that even though this story can get rather amusing at parts, it's my least favorite out of the few stories I've written, but go ahead and read it, I'm sure you'll find something amusing.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Brady Bunch.

Chapter 2: The Quest Begins

Craft pulled out a pocket watch, and said, "It's getting late. Why don't you children go back to your dormitories?" No one moved because they were all talking about the myth of the Forbidden Cheese Wheel or one of the others. "Bloody hell," she mumbled to herself, "why won't these brats listen to me?" She looked around for the perfect student to make an example of. With Neville gone she had to look quite hard. "Hmmm. . . How about," she moved her finger across the crowd of screaming students, "Weasley! Weasley, come here!"

The four Weasley children yelled in unison over the many other screaming children, "which one?"

Professor Craft was taken aback, "my Lord! How many Weasley's are there?"

Fred jokingly replied, "well, let's see: there's Bill, Charlie, Percy, me, George, Ron, Ginny, Greg, Peter, Bobby, Marsha, Jan, and Cindy," he then sang the next part, "and that's the way we became the Weasley Bunch! Oh, and there's mum and dad too."

"Wow . . . your parents certainly were busy. But anyway, Ron, get up here immediately!" She pointed to the floor beside her. Ron looked at his brothers and sister, and slowly started to walk up. "I don't have all day, hurry it up!" Ron quickened his pace, and stood to her right. "Now, quiet down!" It did quiet down a little because Fred and George were silent and closely watching their little brother stand in front of everyone. "This children is Ronald Weasley. He was talking like the rest of you stupid gits, while I was so clearly telling you to shut it. So Mr. Weasley will get to do something, and if you continue talking over me, you'll get to do it too," she looked around the room evilly. "Icafaclesirmisle!"

"You called, milady?" A tall man with pale skin, shaggy brown hair said, as he stepped out of a shadow in the corner. He was wearing little more than a glorified loincloth.

"Summon S.C.R.E.A.M.!"

"Is that an acronym for something?" Ron asked, "cuz 'Mione founded S.P.E.W. and that stands for - -" He was cut off by a loud rumble, and the whole room started to shake. Then a large black box-like thing came out of the ground, and started floating twenty feet above the floor. "Professor? What exactly does S.C.R.E.A.M. stand for?"

"Something Really Evil And Malevolent," she told him.

"But what about the 'C,' you left that one out?"

"It has no word for it. SCREAM sounds better that SREAM, don't ya think? Don't answer, it's a rhetorical question."

"Is it really evil?"

"You'll see," she said as she flung him into the box with her wand. Seconds later, the students still safe on the ground could here Ron screaming. "As for the rest of you: go to your dormitories." As most people had left she said, "Potter, Granger, and the rest of the Weasleys, come here." They came to her as quick as they could. "I bet you all want to see Ron again. Well, you'll have to do something for me first." She smiled wickedly.

"What do we have to do?" Hermione said, "we'll do anything to get Ron back."

"Anything? That's what I like to hear." She turned to the staff table, which was the only table in the room. "Accio chair!" And Dumbledore's giant chair flew over to her. She sat down, "as you children know, I told you the story about the Forbidden Cheese Wheel. I want you to get it for me."

"But," Harry began, "I thought you said no one knows where it is."

"I said no one has found it, that doesn't mean that people don't know where or near where it is. I happen to know of the place it most likely is. And do you know why, children?" They shook their heads. "Because the king I told you about was from a few miles from here."

"But there aren't any other castle for a great distance from here."

"His castle was destroyed shortly after his murder. Alright, I'm going to get to the point: the damn thing is somewhere in the Forbidden Forest, and you five are going to go and get it, or you'll never see Ron again." She turned to face Ron's floating prison, and with a wave of her hands, it was gone along with Icafaclesirmisle. "Go before I change my mind, and keep him forever, or kill him, I haven't decided what I'm going to do with him yet. Go!"

The five ran out of the Great Hall and out of the school. They stopped outside the door, and stared at the forest. "Maybe we should got to the library and see if we can find anything about this stupid thing because the forest is awfully big." Hermione sat on the stone steps, "I had a feeling about her, but I ignored it I guess, but we have to do everything we can to save Ron."

"Why do you like him or something?" George said as he sat down next to her.

"No, of course not. I like Ginny."

"What?!" Came from stunned faces all around her.

"Just kidding! He he, you guys are so gullible!

"That's kinda hot, you know lesbians . . .wait . . .you _don't_ like girls?" Fred asked disappointedly.

"No. It's just fun messing with people's minds." Fred and George looked at each other sadly, Ginny still looked stunned, and Harry just smirked.

So there's another chapter. I think there was definitely some amusing stuff in this chapter . . .oh yeah, review or I'll throw you in S.C.R.E.A.M. and trust me: it's not that fun in there, you know, it's evil and malevolent and stuff . . . so just review so I don't have to do that.


	4. Into the Forest

Yay! A new chapter!!! WEEEEEE!!!!! Oh, the things you do when you're hyper . . .

Chapter 3: Into The Forest

"So . . . what are we to do now?" George said as he slowly stood up.

"Well, we've obviously got to save him," a voice from behind them said.

They turned to find their friends Lily Thatcher, with whom they had gotten separated with in the Great Hall. She leaned casually against the cold, stonewall and smiled slightly.

"Where the hell did you go?" Fred inquired.

"Had to make sure the other students got back alright."

"Is that the truth?"

"No, but it's my cover story."

"For what?" Harry asked.

"The little traps I left for Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle, and also one for Craft."

"You're going to prank a professor?" Hermione stammered uneasily.

"Well, I think it's brilliant!" George piped in.

"Me too," replied Fred.

Ginny continued to look uncomfortable, and moved to the fetal position. The others stopped and stared at her for a moment, then continued their conversation with the details of the simple traps that had been set.

"The traps were simple little charms that were set off by the movement of the desired prey. Once the person would walk by it, the ameba-shaped object would float behind its prey, and taunt it, but when the person would turn to see who's mocking them, it would become invisible. After about twenty-four hours the ameba will explode, leaving the victim stained a vivacious pink that is terribly difficult to get off."

"Wicked!" Fred, George, and Harry said in unison. Hermione on the other hand, was much less enthusiastic, and Ginny was still curled up on the floor.

"I-I don't think I can help you guys save Ron," Ginny said after a long silence. "I really don't think that I'm up to it."

"Well, that's okay Gin, I'll fill in for ya."

"Thanks, Lily. You're brave like that." She smiled and stood next to the girl. Lily put her hand on the youngest Weasley's shoulder. "I must be off then, many things to do, yes indeed." She then quickly turned and ran back into the school.

"What was that all about?" Harry questioned.

"Who knows."

"She's always like that."

"Well, let's get ready to got then." Hermione stated. "We can get supplies then set off into the forest."

The others nodded, and divided up what needed to be collected before they could depart, and then set off to find their part of the list. In half an hour, everyone had gone down to Hagrid's hut. "If everyone's ready, let's go then!"

Harry was first to head into the forest, followed him in this sequence: Fred, George, Lily, and then Hermione; who was muttering how much she disliked the forest. They moved quickly deep into the darkness, traveling with little conversation. They were all too nervous of what they might find in the woods and what might happen to Ron if they failed. Such things really do dampen one's mood.

After two hours of walking in silence, Hermione whispered, "The ruins of that blasted castle shouldn't be too far off now. But I really don't think that we're going to find a stupid 'forbidden' cheese wheel. It's probably all rotten and eaten by now. Cheese doesn't have a very long shelf life, ya know."

"Yeah, but it's the 'Forbidden Cheese Wheel,' so it might be different." Lily suggested.

"I won't believe it until I see it."

"Well, I guess that shouldn't be that long from now seeing there's a clearing ahead."

And, indeed, there was a clearing ahead of them, even though Lily was the only one able to see it. You see Lily isn't like other girls. In fact she is quite different. Her senses are greatly magnified so that she can she great distances, she can hear things being whispered a mile away, she can smell things from ten miles away, and when she takes a bit of something, she can taste the minerals and such things in it, like iron, calcium, that sort of stuff. She has a few other tricks too, but now isn't the time to get into that.

The band of friends walked for fifteen minutes before they could see the clearing Lily spoke of. They quickened their pace and came into the clearing twenty minutes later. In the clearing were the remains of an old castle. Most definitely the one they were looking for. It fit Craft's brief description fairly well.

"Let's go in, shall we?"

"Yeah . . ." The others replied halfhearted.

The students made their way into what was left of the castle and began search for their query. From what they could see, no one would want to leave anything almost anywhere they searched. It was after and hour of searching when Harry walked over a hidden underground tunnel and fell into it. The others quickly ran over to where he had fallen.

"Are you alright, mate?" Fred asked.

Harry moaned quietly, and replied, "I think so." After pausing for a moment, he said, "guys . . . I think there's something down here."

Hmmm. . . I wonder what Harry saw? And what of Ron? Is he all right? Is he dead? I guess you'll have to see what happens next . . .


End file.
